Boulder Somatic EMDR Insights: Remembering vs. Reliving

When we think about memories, most of us envision them as snapshots from our past—images, sounds, and feelings neatly stored away, ready to be recalled whenever we choose. For many, this is a straightforward process, a gentle recollection of events gone by. But for those who have experienced trauma, remembering can be far more complicated and painful.

The Difference Between Remembering and Reliving

In the aftermath of trauma, the brain doesn’t always process memories in the usual way. Instead of being stored as past events, trauma memories can feel as though they are happening in the present moment, leading to an overwhelming sense of reliving the experience.

Remembering is what happens when we recall a memory as something that occurred in the past. It’s a reflection, perhaps tinged with emotion, but it doesn’t overwhelm our present reality. We can think about it, talk about it, and then let it go.

Reliving, on the other hand, occurs when a trauma memory triggers a response that feels as though the event is happening all over again. The sights, sounds, and feelings flood back with such intensity that it can be difficult to distinguish between past and present. This is often accompanied by the physical sensations of panic, fear, or even numbness, as the body reacts as if it’s back in the traumatic situation.

The Science Behind Trauma Memory

To understand why trauma memories can be so vivid and distressing, we need to take a closer look at the brain. When we experience a traumatic event, the brain’s normal processing systems can become overwhelmed. The amygdala, the brain’s alarm system, goes into overdrive, signaling that we are in danger. This can cause the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for processing and storing memories, to struggle with categorizing the experience as something that happened in the past.

Instead of being processed and filed away, these memories are stored in a fragmented way, often without a clear narrative. This is why trauma survivors may have difficulty recalling the event in a linear fashion, and why certain triggers—like a smell or sound—can bring the memory back so vividly. The brain essentially keeps these memories on high alert, ready to react as if the danger is still present.

Moving Beyond Shame

It’s common for survivors of trauma to feel a deep sense of shame when they can’t simply “get over” what happened to them. They may internalize the idea that they are somehow weak or flawed because the past continues to affect them. This shame can be incredibly isolating, leading to beliefs like, “I should be stronger,” or “I’ll never be able to move on.”

But here’s the truth: trauma doesn’t go away just because we want it to. The way your brain processes trauma is not a reflection of your strength or character. It’s a natural response to an overwhelming experience. The fact that you are struggling is not a sign of weakness, but a sign that you are human.

How EMDR Helps Heal Trauma

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a therapeutic approach specifically designed to help people process and heal from traumatic memories. The process involves using bilateral stimulation—often through eye movements, but also through taps or sounds—while the client recalls distressing events.

This bilateral stimulation helps the brain reprocess these traumatic memories, allowing them to be stored properly, as past events rather than current threats. Over time, the memory of the trauma can be recalled without the intense emotional and physical reactions that were once associated with it.

EMDR doesn’t erase the memory of what happened, but it does help the brain to ‘file it away’ correctly. The trauma becomes something that the survivor can remember without being overwhelmed, freeing them to move forward in their healing journey.

Heal Traumatic Memories with Boulder EMDR Therapy: Move from Reliving to Remembering

If you’ve ever felt this way, please know that there is hope. The fact that you’re reading this, that you’re seeking to understand and heal, shows your resilience. Healing is not about forgetting or pretending the past didn’t happen. It’s about finding a way to live with those memories without being controlled by them.

Understanding the difference between remembering a traumatic event and reliving it is crucial for healing. As a Boulder therapist specializing in EMDR therapy, I can help you unravel these memories, allowing you to move from a place of reliving to remembering with peace. If you're in Boulder, CO, and struggling with traumatic memories, contact me today. Discover how Boulder EMDR Intensives can help you find relief and reclaim your life.