Why “Letting Go” Doesn’t Work—And What to Do Instead

You’ve heard it a hundred times.

“Just let it go.”

Let go of the fear.
Let go of the anger.
Let go of the grief, the guilt, the old stories.

But what if you're not holding on?

What if your system is?

What if the part of you that can’t let go is the same part that’s trying to keep you safe?

Letting Go Isn’t a Command—It’s a Byproduct of Safety

You don’t let go with willpower.
You let go when your nervous system feels like it can.

That’s why “just let it go” so often fails.
It skips over the inner parts that are still bracing.
Still protecting.
Still holding the weight because no one else did.

So instead of letting go, let’s try something else.

Let’s make room.
Let’s slow down.
Let’s listen to the part that’s holding on and ask:

• “What do you need to feel safe enough to release?”

• “What would happen if this part didn’t carry it anymore?”

• “Is there anything it’s afraid will happen if it softens?”

You’re not forcing change.
You’re inviting it.

Try This Now: Releasing the Pressure to Release

Close your eyes, if that feels OK.

Bring to mind the thing you wish you could let go of.
A thought. A memory. A tension in your body.

Now say quietly, just in your mind:
“You don’t have to go. You’re welcome to stay until you’re ready.”

And notice what shifts.
It might be subtle—a loosening in the chest, a sigh, a flicker of warmth.

Because the moment we stop demanding that pain leave, something new opens.

And often… that’s when it starts to move.

It Leaves When It Feels Heard

Healing doesn’t always come from pushing through.
Sometimes, it comes from presence.
From witnessing the wound rather than trying to erase it.

That’s what Somatic EMDR, Deep Brain Reorienting, and ART help people do—gently process what’s stuck in the nervous system, not by telling it to go, but by creating the conditions where it no longer has to stay.

You don’t have to let go all at once.
But you can begin to relate to the pain differently.
And in that difference, everything begins to change.

What If There’s Nothing Wrong With You for Holding On?

If you’ve been told to let it go and it only made you feel more stuck, there’s a better way.

Somatic EMDR, Deep Brain Reorienting, and Accelerated Resolution Therapy work with the body, not against it—helping you release what no longer belongs without shame, pressure, or force.

Reach out today to schedule a free consultation or learn more about how this approach can support your healing.

You don’t have to do it alone—
and you don’t have to keep telling the same story to feel better.