Boulder Somatic EMDR Insights: Re-writing Inner Vows
As we walk through life, especially through experiences of pain and trauma, we often find ourselves making inner vows—deep, often unconscious promises to ourselves that shape how we view the world and interact with others. These inner vows can be both protective and limiting, arising from moments when we felt unsafe, unloved, or unworthy. Over time, they can become powerful scripts that govern our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, often without us even realizing it.
What Are Inner Vows?
Inner vows are promises or decisions we make in response to painful or traumatic experiences. They are usually formed in childhood or during times of intense emotional distress. These vows are our mind's way of protecting us from future harm, but they can also keep us stuck in patterns that no longer serve us.
Examples of Inner Vows:
"I will never trust anyone again."
"I have to take care of everyone else before myself."
"I’m not good enough, so I won’t even try."
Trauma and the Internalized Belief: "I’m Unlovable"
One of the most painful and pervasive inner vows is the belief that "I’m unlovable." This belief often stems from early experiences of rejection, neglect, or abuse. It can manifest in various ways, shaping how we see ourselves and how we relate to others.
Examples of how this belief might show up:
Self-Isolation: "If I’m unlovable, then I should keep my distance from others to avoid getting hurt."
People-Pleasing: "I have to be perfect and meet everyone’s needs so they will love me."
Fear of Vulnerability: "I can’t let anyone see the real me because they will surely reject me."
These beliefs can be deeply ingrained, making it difficult to form healthy, loving relationships and to experience the fullness of life. But there is hope. Through therapeutic approaches like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), it’s possible to rewrite these internal scripts and replace them with beliefs that reflect our true worth and value.
How Does EMDR Re-write These Scripts?
EMDR is a powerful tool for healing trauma and reprocessing the negative beliefs that arise from it. By focusing on specific memories or experiences, EMDR helps to desensitize the emotional charge associated with them and allows us to reframe the meaning we’ve attached to those events.
How EMDR can help:
Identify the Origin of the Inner Vow: EMDR helps you trace back the origin of your inner vow to the specific memory or experience that triggered it. By understanding where it came from, you can begin to see it for what it is—a survival mechanism, not a truth.
Reprocess the Memory: During an EMDR session, you’ll work with your therapist to reprocess the traumatic memory, allowing your brain to store it in a less distressing way. This can reduce the emotional intensity of the memory and the power of the inner vow associated with it.
Reframe the Belief: As the memory is reprocessed, EMDR helps you reframe the negative belief (e.g., "I’m unlovable") into a more positive, truthful statement (e.g., "I am worthy of love"). This new belief can then take the place of the old inner vow, allowing you to live with greater freedom and self-compassion.
Moving Forward with Hope
Healing from trauma is a journey, and re-writing inner vows is a significant part of that process. EMDR offers a way to gently and effectively challenge the limiting beliefs that have held you back, opening the door to a more loving and authentic relationship with yourself and others.
No matter where you are on your healing journey, remember that you are not alone, and change is possible. You are worthy of love, peace, and joy—and with the right support, you can begin to experience these gifts in your life.
Transform Your Life with Boulder EMDR Therapy: Re-write Inner Vows for Lasting Change
Inner vows, often formed in response to trauma, can deeply influence your life. Through EMDR therapy, you can re-write these vows and create a more empowering narrative. As a Boulder therapist specializing in EMDR, I’m here to help you make these transformative changes. If you're in Boulder, CO, and ready to re-write your inner vows, reach out today to learn more about Boulder EMDR Intensives and how they can support your journey toward healing and growth.
