Boulder EMDR Insights: Re-writing Inner Vows

There are promises we make out loud.
And then there are the ones we whisper deep inside.

You might not even remember making them.

But at some point—perhaps when things hurt too much to bear—you told yourself:

“Never again.”
“I’ll be fine on my own.”
“I won’t need anyone.”

These aren’t just passing thoughts.
They’re inner vows.

And while they may have protected you once…
They may now be keeping you from the life you long for.

What Are Inner Vows, Really?

Inner vows are quiet survival strategies.
They form when something painful happens and your body whispers:
“This can’t happen again.”

So you promise.

You promise to stay strong.
To stay guarded.
To over-function.
To never trust.
To never need.

And in doing so, you start to carry a story that isn't yours—but feels like yours.
A story that might sound like:

• “I have to take care of everyone else.”

• “I’m not good enough, so why try?”

• “If I open up, I’ll be rejected.”

But here’s the truth:
These vows are not who you are.
They’re who you became to stay safe.

The Hidden Vow: “I’m Unlovable”

This one cuts deep.
It doesn’t always say its name.
It hides in silence. In withdrawal. In overachievement. In pleasing everyone but yourself.

It might sound like:

• “If I don’t try hard enough, they’ll leave.”

• “If they really knew me, they’d walk away.”

• “It’s safer to be alone.”

But these aren’t truths.
They’re responses.
They were written by pain, not by love.

And they can be rewritten.

How EMDR Gently Rewrites the Script

Healing doesn’t demand that you force change.
It invites it—patiently, from within.

That’s what EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) does.

It allows your nervous system to revisit the origin of the vow—not to relive it, but to reprocess it.
To give that moment in time what it never had: safety, voice, support.

Here’s how it works:

• Finding the Origin
  Together, we gently trace the inner vow back to its beginning. Not to blame, but to understand. When you see it clearly, it starts to lose its grip.

• Reprocessing the Memory
  Through bilateral stimulation—eye movements, taps, or tones—we help the brain file the experience where it belongs: in the past. Not in your identity.

• Reframing the Belief
  As the memory softens, the meaning begins to shift.
  You may find yourself saying:
  “I did the best I could.”
  “I was worthy then, and I am now.”
  “I can trust, slowly.”

These aren’t just affirmations.
They’re new agreements—written from a place of truth, not fear.

Letting Go of Promises That No Longer Serve

You don’t have to keep living by vows made in the dark.
You get to make new choices in the light.

You get to say:

• “I no longer need to prove my worth.”

• “It’s safe to ask for help.”

• “I am lovable, even when I’m not perfect.”

And the beautiful thing?

You don’t have to do it alone.

Reclaim the Life Beneath the Vow

If you're ready to release old vows and return to your true self, I’d be honored to walk with you.

Through Boulder EMDR Intensives, we’ll move at your pace.
With compassion.
With reverence.
With deep respect for everything you’ve carried—and everything you’re ready to lay down.

Reach out today to schedule a free consultation or learn more about how EMDR therapy can support your healing.

You don’t have to keep telling the same story to feel better—
and you don’t have to carry old promises that no longer protect you.